“Pieces …

of eight, me hearties!”

Captain Davey Dobbs of the pirate ship Different holds up a fistful of gold coins and roars down from the poop deck to his pirate crew.

“That’s what we’re a-fightin’ forrrrr. A bounteous fortune for all o’ ye!”

The pirate gang roars their approval. “Aye, Captain Davey! Aye! Aye!”

“And how shall we spend this glorious pirating day, me hearties?” he bellows. “Shall we do what we are SUPPOSED TO — which is swab the decks and iron the sails? Or shall we do what we are NOT SUPPOSED TO, which is pluck our ukuleles and quaff grog all day?”

“Naught but the NOT!” the shouts go out.

“By unanimous vote it is decided then,” declares Captain Davey.”Music and grog and a hearty ho-ho!”

The good ship Different heaves through heavy seas. Captain Davey squints his one good eye into the sea-spray. He taps the meander in his back pocket for luck.

“Aye, this is the good life!” says Captain Davey.

A sail appears on the horizon.

“Garrrrr. Nothing good can last. ‘Tis the foul ship Should.”

Captain Davey growls through clenched teeth. “Arr. Avast, me hearties! The gig’s afoot. Full sail, now! Hop to it!”

The Different unfurls its sails and rides the wind like a gull.

The Should gains.

All through the day and all through the night.

When morning comes, the foul ship is near. Too near.

Captain Davey pulls out his spyglass and beholds the scurviest lot of soccer players and math tutors and violin players he’s ever set eye on.

Lieutenant Violin hails Davey. “You’re NOT SUPPOSED TO be here!”

Voices ring out around from behind the sneaky-stinky string-scraper. “NOT SUPPOSED TO be here! NOT SUPPOSED TO be here!”

“Final warning!” calls Lieutenant Violin.

“Never!” shouts Captain Davey.

Along the hull of the Should, a string of small square windows open with a click-click-click-click and a line of cannons bristles out. The Should unleashes a volley of cannonballs. Ah-Boom! Ah-Boom! Ah-Boom!

Down goes the Different, leaving Captain Davey and his pirate crew bobbing in the drink.

The crew of the Should launches forth to rescue them all.

Davey holds the piece of eight in his hand, then lets it fall to the bottom

of the ocean

the ocean

the ocean

Davey clutches his meander. “I HAVE THE RIGHT TO MEANDER!” he roars.